Love is in the Numbers??

It's a short one today folks - I'm headed into the first of 3 full days of financial training. Yes, that is right. When one chooses a career in communications, it means an exorbitant amount of time will be spent doing all things financial. And also, I'll be adding C.P.A. to my title pretty soon - I think it is only fair considering the third day of this training is on a SATURDAY. Internet, wouldn't you agree that I could at least get a new fancy title out of that?

Life has been giving me whiplash lately, hence the inconsistent posting. But I've been thinking and I've definitely got more to say. So come back soon, k?

And in the interim, happy Love Thursday all! Sometimes, love is just about choosing to control your own reaction(s) to the circumstances and happenings around you. I am working on that one.

A Call for Service

One of the things I like the most about President Obama (wow!) is his ability to inspire. I'm not just talking about a well written or brilliantly delivered speech. He makes me want to jump up and say "what can I do," "how can I serve," and I know he inspires this feeling in many. No matter your politics, I think this is critical - the call to service for all of us blessed to live a free life with everyday luxuries that are denied our fellow citizens in other lands. I'm thrilled to see a renewed spirit of service buzzing through society, online and off, young and old.

I've been feeling a little anxious about this over the last week. Service used to be a regular and permanent part of my life. All through middle school, high school and college I was committed to a variety of service oriented tasks - candy-striper, nursing home volunteer, youth group projects, animal shelters, food bank staffer, Headstart volunteer...I did them all. And I loved every minute.

I've let that slide in my "adult life." To be frank, I struggle to find time enough to do anything other than work during the week and my weekends are treasured blurs of errands, catching up and just trying to "be" outside of my career. I know it is all about balance, but I'm not sure I really believe in that concept any more. I'm not sure I believe you can have it all at the same time. I think you have to choose points of focus at different times in your life. And I'm struggling with making that ok in my mind (and not hearing it as just another excuse).

And then I stumble across stories like this and I simply cannot understand. And I want to try harder, make more of an effort, be better. For them...the abandoned. Animals, children, elderly, hungry...I just feel a need to make a connection, hold out a hand, empathize.

"To those who much has been given, MUCH will be expected." Be the change, Internet. Whatever your calling, stand up and serve. 2009 is my year to be better at this. I hope it will be yours too.

Time Marches On

I find myself in a very contemplative, somewhat nostalgic mood as I face a pretty big birthday in the coming weeks.

Mostly, I am happy and so grateful for a life full of many blessings, amazing family and truly the best friends a gal could ever want.

But truthfully, a little nostalgic too. Remembering those no longer here and those I've lost touch with along the way. It really is amazing how quickly it goes...I used to think phrases like "the blink of an eye," etc were silly, but I get it now. What an adventure it has been...and so many more lie ahead. I can't wait to dive in.

But for today, I am giving the past its due. I am remembering walks and talks and sleigh rides with my Gramps and trips to the beach with my family (my brother and I so blissed out even BEFORE we got to the cotton candy) and nightly conversations with Mom before bedtime to recap our days and watching Dad play tennis and youth group with my treasured friend Chris who left us way too soon and many, many, many more. Such an awesome, crazy, sad, terrific, overwhelming blur of memories.

How appropriate that this photo arrived from my Mom today - just as I was taking my trip down memory lane. I don't remember this particular party, but I remember so many that followed: skating rinks and slumber parties and cakes and squealing and laughter. All the signs of a truly treasured childhood. A blessed, amazing, full life. Lucky, lucky me.

An Inaugaversary

Like the rest of the free world, I am excited for tomorrow. Perhaps unlike the rest of the free world though, my excitement isn't solely focused on the historical inauguration taking over our nation's attention.

Don't get me wrong: I will be watching with anticipation and hope and pride and I will whisper a prayer and send a wish into the universe that the change and hope of the campaign will continue into the presidency. And that people will realize promises from the trail cannot become reality overnight. I wish Mr. Obama the best. And I wish the same for his family. Tomorrow is a historical moment in time and I'm thrilled and blessed and awed to bear witness.

But also, I will be remembering a sunny Saturday exactly 2 years ago tomorrow. The day that exemplified another kind of change and another kind of hope. The sweetest, most filling, most awesome kind. I walked down a long aisle on that Saturday...walked straight up to Hubby and promised my heart and my life to him for always. In front of literally everyone that we love. 2 years ago tomorrow, we started our family and I whispered a wish then too. It comes true every single day.

Happy Anniversary Hubby! There is no one in the world I'd rather "be the change" with. xoxo

One for Smashey and Bops: BFF

My first memories of her have blurred with time, but only slightly. I can still remember standing outside her hospital room craning my neck and standing as tall as my five year old tippy toes would allow as my Mom went inside to hand deliver the Barbie I chose for her. She loved Barbie. I loved Cabbage Patch Kids and all varieties of human-like dolls. So at her house, I'd spend time playing in Barbie's dreamhouse and at my house, she'd play Mama and house with my many dolls with all the enthusiasm she could muster.

I remember Friday night sleepovers and oranges dipped in sugar. I can see Brownie uniforms and friendship bracelets and heart necklaces: one half for her neck and the other for mine. I remember the Babysitters Club and Beverly Hills, 90210 and the many packages of VHS tapes she sent to me when my new town didn't yet "get" the Fox channel. 

I can conjure images of her meeting "the magic rag" too early with my Grandmother. I remember so many birthday parties, but one in particular where we all dressed up in our Mother's clothes and had tea. I remember school and homework and being in the same class and not. I remember fighting and I remember making up - boys and drama and laughter and tears.

I remember leaving her behind to start a new life and thinking there was no way I could survive it. And I remember that I did survive it, mostly because she helped me. I remember 8 years spanning high school and college and hours spent on the phone to connect our experiences. I remember road trips and visiting her and getting to know her new friends and her new life. I remember a summer in the woods and her somehow managing to teach me the importance of commitment and follow through and self awareness amidst bug bites and snakes and camping and lots of whining young girls. And I remember (with equal parts pride and laughter) that together, we pitched tents, packed overnight bags for 11 and cooked mac' n cheese in the great outdoors.

I remember embarking on a new life with her - throwing caution and fear to the wind and taking our youth and our enthusiasm and our spirit West. I see laughter and tears and fear and hope and joy and dismay in those years. I know for sure that there was no better partner to transition to adulthood with. That she has been the perfect balance for my life and that she alone holds the keys to every life phase, every experience, every emotion I've experienced. She has been there for it all. And I'm a better me because of it. Because of her.

I see so clearly her constant courage, endless kindness, enviable confidence, enigmatic spirit. For 25 years she has inspired me and challenged me and infuriated me and awed me and buoyed me and loved me. And I couldn't express in a thousand lifetimes my gratitude. Or what an honor it is to nurture and continue this sisterhood.

I recognize the blessing of seeing 5 year old girls giggling and laughing juxtaposed with 5th graders rocking out to New Kids on the Block and then young women on their wedding days, holding tight to each other as life began anew with destined partners. I recall the past and I see so much of her, just as I look to the future and she is there. Where I need her to be. A beloved, treasured, incredible sister of the heart.

I saw Bride Wars today, and while the movie itself is pretty schmaltzy, all I could think of was the parallel in the most influential relationship of my life. And I was inspired to somehow honor it, so I came here and documented a small snapshot of our story. 

Ash, this one is for you. With all the love in my heart.

16 Things

I confess: I've been tagged for these survey type posts a few times, but have always resisted or more simply, just forgotten to do it.

But right now, it is freezing and snowy outside and I'm spending a lot of time online, so I figured I'd give this thing a go. Because, really, I know the internet is totally curious about me. 

So, here we go...16 random things about me, in no particular order with no particular rhyme nor reason (hence the random, ahem).

1. Clearly obvious, but I adore animals. Seriously - all of them, but dogs in particular. I take the "pets are family members" to every possible extreme. And I'm very proud of it.
2. It took me more than 10 years, but I finally flipped the switch and became a vegetarian and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.
3. I have zero tolerance for scary movies. Total pansy.
4. I am a self-taught speed reader.
5. I aspire to be a brilliant photographer (in hobby only).
6. I can pick up almost anything with my toes - quirky talent that can also be pretty useful.
7. I am a shameless product whore and am uncannily susceptible to marketing of them even though I am a marketer by trade.
8. I'd really like to write a book (someday).
9. I crave time outdoors and space by the sea.
10. I have an extreme snake phobia (and probably need meds for it).
11. I never have less than 10 different tubes of lip gloss (and they're almost identical in color).
12. I internalize stress so well that I've repeatedly earned the label "unflappable." (and no, I don't particularly think this is a good thing)
13. I will probably never be one of those people who just loves to work out (as much as I want to be).
14. I never step on the bath mat before drying my feet w/ a towel (and I think everyone should imitate this habit immediately).
15. I'm outgoing and friendly, but am also a bit of an introvert.
16. I am obsessed with Lululemon, chai lattes and finding the perfect exfoliant (please send suggestions).

Consider yourself tagged, but only if you want to be. 

Coming Soon

So I've been thinking for awhile about taking this little blog to the next level - meaning a more creative name, a fun tagline, an actual URL, etc etc...

I've thought of the name and the tagline and registered the new url...so this is a teaser to say that I hope to launch it soon...gotta figure out some hosting stuff and find someone to help with the overall design, but I feel good about it. Fun times straight ahead.

I'll keep you posted, but hopefully before too long, you'll have a new destination to visit us. And internet, I sure hope you will. Frequently.

Stay tuned!

Cooper Versus Vacuum

This never fails to crack me up. Internet, you're welcome!

Love Knows No Size

This broke my heart in the most awesome way. I hope it will do the same for you.

I love it when life throws us proof positive that love knows no boundaries - big or small.

I missed Love Thursday yet again, but no matter - this post had to happen regardless. Enjoy.

Thinking Warm

Holy icicles, has it been cold in Chicago this week. On this morning's commute to work, the temp gage registered -13. Frost bite warnings are frequent and issued by everyone from the local weatherman to the conductor on the El to folks on the street.

No matter though - because I'm choosing to think warm. That's right - planning a trip to CA in the coming weeks and just remembering all things warm. Images from our honeymoon trip to Nevis, those beloved Santa Monica sunsets over the pier, bike rides and runs and walks along the beach, anything that conjures warmth and sunshine and time spent outdoors.

Even through frigid temps, the sun has peeked through the bleak Chicago sky this week and I'm grateful for that. I always welcome a visit from my good friend, the Sun, and am amazed at the difference it can make. Come back often, Mr. Sun!

So a couple of images to focus on until outdoor patios and sunny strolls and days at the dog park are here again. Stay warm folks! And for you Californians - send a little love our way, will you? You know the old sayings about sharing.....pretty please?

Good God, The SNOW

What a weekend folks. I mean seriously, a banner few days for me. Try to keep up, will you? And also, don't be jealous.

As I type this, we aren't even really midway through January, but we've had multiple snow storms, 2 of which have been isolated to the last 48 hours or so and have accumulated well over a foot of snow on the streets of our frozen neighborhood.

Wow, I'm going to have to get creative to urge myself through this winter (by my count, at least 3 more full months to go) without resorting to drinking. Heavily. Or drugs - only kidding. Sort of.

A summary for your reading pleasure:

Friday - all day:

The final day to the longest, most stress ridden week of work I can recall in quite some time. The plans, the conference calls, the meetings, the sheer LENGTH of my to-do list. And the emails...oh my GOD, the emails. I finally make it through the day and stumble out the door to realize that phase 2 of this snow storm (I didn't even TELL you about Thursday, the snow, the sub-zero temps, the commute via public transportation on Friday) had set in with a vengeance. I could not face the el. No way in frozen over hell. So I grabbed a cab and tried to keep up with the stream of emails still steadily hitting my blackberry. I got a little nauseous from reading/typing in the cab. My cab driver was wrapped in a blanket - almost swaddled. I found this exceptionally odd, but whatever. Just get. me. home. PLEASE.

Friday - evening/night:

Emails and work stuff continued until nearly 11, mixed in with movies on tv, playing with the pups and getting creative with dinner (as in a baked potato and black beans). The snow was still falling. HARD. ALOT. Took the boys out one final time and all 3 of us were snow covered when we returned indoors. Climbed into bed and fell asleep watching Sex and the City.

Saturday - a.m.:

awoke to a complete white out. Had to dig my shovel out so that I could dig a path out of our house. As a special twist, I awoke to cold sores so needed to make a trip to CVS STAT. Finally got the boys to potty (after digging a space for them to do so) and after feeding them breakfast, I set out to attempt to uncover our vehicle. This was comical. I am 5'4" if I'm an inch, and the snow in the driveway was just below my knees in some places. I scraped and shoveled and climbed and slipped until I could at least see out the windows. One really positive note: that Jeep is awesome. Drove over more than a foot of snow like it was a sprinkling of sugar.

Saturday - later a.m.:

Returned from CVS, did a little light cleaning, more work stuff, caught up with fiercely neglected feeds, played with the pups, watched the snow continue to fall.

Saturday - afternoonish:

Headed downtown for a haircut I scheduled several weeks ago. Contemplated cancelling, but man, I needed a haircut. Braved the train, nearly froze to death on the platform, was covered in snow and soaking, but only on my outer layer (God, I love you North Face). Enjoyed a not too crowded train ride downtown to my latest ipod soundtrack. Got off train downtown, walked out of the station, and promptly entered hell. Of the frozen variety. Walked the only way I could - head down, one arm out to warn me of incoming obstacles. Wondered multiple times who would live here of their own free will. Emailed my husband (in Vermont) asking him just that. 

Saturday - later afternoon:

Left salon after a nice catch up with my stylist and trying not to smack 2 girls in a heated debate with THEIR stylist over their certainty that "deployed" and "deported" mean the same thing. Seriously? Knew in an instant I was not fighting the train. Stumbled to the corner, kept head down and just stuck up my right arm without even looking to see if cabs were coming. The heavens took mercy on me and a cab appeared at the curb within minutes. Got home and googled condos in California and looked through old photos from California.

The rest: ordered pizza, watched movies, did some work, ate almost the whole pizza, went to bed.

Sunday: pretty much a repeat of Saturday except the snow. finally. stopped. And I was able to dig out the car and do a couple of errands in between more work. But Internet, as I type this, it is snowing again. I kid you not. Oh, and I ate the rest of the pizza.

Lest you think I am being overly dramatic, some photographic documentation to support my story follows. As this is only a brief sampling (and I'm incapable of taking less than 100 photos since getting my fancy new camera), you can find more photographic evidence here. Enjoy.

Send sunshine and wine. Lots of wine.

this is on our top deck. put on the hunter boots and stepped out - this is how far up the snow came:

both boots in the path i shoveled on the deck
a snow covered Jack says "oh HELL NO" and bolts back inside
the boys ventured out (tentatively) when I shoveled the path. you can see that the snow is literally taller than they are (not that they are extraordinarily tall...)
the deck pre-shoveling

Happy Love Thursday: Love is Normal & Everyday

sadly, work has been so all consuming of late that I truly just don't have much to share. as i type this, i'm telling myself that i must work on that. and fast.

in the interim though, i'm pausing for a brief moment on this thursday to appreciate our return to the normal routine of our lives. for me, holidays are magic, but i also relish in the chance to clear away all the clutter from year's end and begin anew. i like the goal setting, the planning, the introspection. it's all good.

and even if i've begun this new year in a fog of work, work, work, I can still lift the fog briefly enough to rejoice in the everyday normal that makes me feel blessed, lucky, loved...

happy love thursday everyone. here's hoping you're loving a new year too.

Let Them Eat CAKE!!

Birthday Post Redux: When Photos Just Aren't Enough (What?! Never)

Another Year in the Company of Cooper

i can't believe that as i type this, it is sunday evening and tomorrow brings the first full work week of a brand new year. it seems moments ago that i walked out of my work building so lusting for the four day break that was in front of me. it goes so quickly, especially when dominated by a cold/sinus thingy for the majority of its length. sigh...

i also cannot believe that this day marks another year with our littlest man. yep, cooper is 2 today. he's been with us since he was 11 weeks old - just a teensy little ball of fluff who peered at us with eyes equal parts curiosity and wonder. his face is typically the first i see given his propensity to sleep person like, sprawled on the pillow next to me or even sharing my own. along with his brother, he welcomes me every time i walk in the door. and makes me feel like royalty, like i've returned from the world's longest journey and he was there, waiting the entire time.

he loves to shred tissue and toilet paper, thinks playing in the trash can and laundry hamper is the stuff of magic, frolics and growls and plays and barks with 100 times his 4lb little capacity.

he is the stuff of magic. and we adore him so. happy birthday little man. you just shredded both of your new birthday toys, but man, you did it with such spirit. :)

opening presents!

birthday boy (please don't make me wear this ever again)
yummy cake!
the pupcake (note: it took a little spill in the bag, hence the frosting masacre)
birthday bounty

A Cycle Repeats

i know this girl. she is very close to my heart. she's terrific - kind and thoughtful and beautiful and sugary sweet. i used to dress her up and pretend to be her mama. she depended on me all those years ago - fun fun, for play, for the occasional bottle, for family. and today - for reasons entirely different and entirely more grown up, she reaches out to me.

hearing from her elicits a range of emotions - mostly sadness this time around because she is hurting and i wouldn't see her hurt for all the puppies and rainbows and sun-drenched beach walks in the world.

this particular correspondence also tugs at another of my heartstrings - this one long buried and painfully, slowly, in-the-raw escaped, learned from, grown out of.

her situation takes me back to a similar time in my own life. a time when i lost sight of my true self - independent of others, standing alone, needing no explanations, deserving to shine. i try not to waste an inch of this life on regret, but that time is the one exception. and it is a purposeful exception, and an important one. cherished lessons, hard-earned wisdom, gut-wrenching, ass-kicking healing came from that time. but it did not come quick. and it did not come easily.

i told this special girl, march on. time heals all wounds. don't lose sight of you. just keeping going. one moment, one breath, one blink at a time. you'll look back on this and you'll marvel at the strength you earned and learned and displayed. or you won't. the choice is yours. and if you make the wrong one (or really, just one that isn't worthy of you), you'll regret it longer than you can really fathom today. feel all you need to feel, sweet girl. and then let go. blessed, cherished, deserved release. and until then, surround yourself with friends, books, baths, walks, whatever it takes...

in many ways, i was definitely talking to this young woman of my heart, but i think also, in some sense, to that much younger, much meeker, much more impressionable me. the one with the world at her feet and every opportunity to soar, if only she would drop the rusty, creaky anchor from around her neck...if only she would let go. release what was assuredly (even then she knew it deep down) toxic to her ability to thrive and grow and shine in this world.

my hope tonight is that this girl will make the right decision for her. and that her road to peace will be simpler and faster and kinder than was my path. and i also take this time to whisper to that part of me, it's ok. it wasn't perfect, but we got through it and would change nothing of life's landscape today. let go and forgive what you weren't able to be back then. perhaps, because of that time, you can provide insight unequaled to someone who desperately needs it now.

forgiveness is most tricky when its object is rooted in self.

so for tonight, a whispered wish and a prayer for my sweet friend, my treasured family. i am here. and i listen and i know with utmost certainty that this too shall pass (enter cheesy cliche) and you'll look back at this version of yourself for years to come. the wish is that you'll love the you of your past and forgive her if decisions and actions in the moment aren't what they would be through the lens of additional years of living, learning and growing in perspective.

hang on tight and know that i (and many other) am here to catch you if you slip and fall. 

Loving a New Year

hi folks. checking in on day 2 of this great new year.

didn't get a chance to post yesterday as we drove home from IN in the morning and then transformed our house back to its pre-xmas wonderland state. while i'm always a bit sad to sad goodbye to the sparkle and light, i also love the opportunity to give everything a good clean and to start the year clutter free and organized.

we continued our movie watching binge and caught gran torino (highly recommend btw, clint is pure genius), had a low key dinner and came home to call it a night early.

new year's eve was simple and fun. an impromptu trip to Indianapolis to see our good friends, a group dinner and then some wii, karaoke, champagne and ball dropping action.

at midnight, i whispered a wish and i hope you did too. and i hope it comes true.

even if a day late, happy love thursday all. i hope the year began, continues and abounds in all that means love to you. enjoy. xoxo